Dating a dancer?

It’s so easy to get swept away by kizomba, entering the amazing dance bubble, and bit by bit, get soaked into the environment and vibe.

Being a dedicated dancer means you spend a lot of your time on the dance floor, traveling to festivals, making new dance friends, so how about also dating a dancer? I mean, it seems like a dream to have a partner who shares your passion.

However, love in the dance scene is not always uncomplicated. I have been thinking about a few things to consider when dating a dancer.

Is it love that you’re feeling?
The first thing to be aware of is the illusion. Especially for the new enthusiastic dancer who just discovered this world, and new sensations.

Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish a dance crush and a love crush. Simply because when you get that crazy connection with someone, while expressing yourself sensually and creativity, it indeed can give butterflies in the stomach and a sense of falling in love.

Personally I don’t actively search for a partner in the dance scene, but of course if it happens it happens. I came to the conclusion that it is indeed important for me to have a man who has some kind of musicality and rhythm, to share the passion for music and dancing, but he doesn’t have to be “a dancer”. On the contrary, I’d actually prefer him not to be a kizomba dancer. That’s my world that I have created, a drama free zone for recreation and expression. But hey, I’ve been in the scene for many years now. I have seen a lot. And experienced a fling or two, I have to admit.

Cut the bond
Once, I spoke to a very wise woman in the dance scene, she was a psychologist, and we talked about emotions on the dance floor. She said after each dance, she visualises cutting a thread between her and her dance partner. Because when we have a good dance, we automatically create a bond.

The feeling of connection, to move your body as one with your dance partner. To express yourself to the music you love. To feel touch, to be held, literally. And to feel safe. All that release oxytocin, the cuddling and bonding hormone in our body. So be aware of what you are actually feeling, is it the oxytocin that’s playing you a trick or are you really falling for this person? Perhaps it’s the dance style you fall in love with.

Jealousy is something we all can experience from time to time. Honesty and clear communication are things you need to work on to make each other feel safe and seen.

Seeing your loved one in the arms of another dancer for several songs, might feel uncomfortable, no matter how confident and happy you are. And that jealousy doesn’t have to mean you are afraid that your partner will cross any boundaries, it could be more about being jealous of the time they have with your partner. In these days of noise, we so rarely get that quiet space of attention. Either way, it’s not a nice feeling, but you need to talke responsibility for it and dare to talk about how you feel.

Talk about boundaries. Be clear with your desires. I have heard that my sensual way of dancing is not appropriate when you have a partner, but honestly, it’s so much me and how I express myself, and to me it would be difficult to reduce my style because my partner has insecurities. Some couples have rules of how many dances they dance, or that they for example dance the first and last dance together.

It’s a small scene
You have to be confident and mature enough to have a real relationship in the (same) dance scene, because you will hear stories, and we all have a history.

Be generous
Instead of thinking about all the threats and problems with dating someone in the dance scene, embrace the fact that you get to share your passion. Make up your mind to be happy for your partner or date, when he or she has nice dances with great connection, send them loving vibes and thoughts. You know how that makes you feel, so be generous and let them enjoy it too, because that has nothing to do with your relationship.

And remember, we don’t own each other, we are sharing moments and borrowing each others’ energies for a limited time, in the dance world, and in the dating world.

Much love <3

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